I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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