I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
