i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
