he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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