at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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