Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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