all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
