We won't sleep together?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
