I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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