Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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