my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
