I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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