the condom got lost in my hair
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
