I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
