Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
