Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
