We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
