Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
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The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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