My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
