The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
