i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
