I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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