There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Randomize
