Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
