Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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