She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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