did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
