Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
