You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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