so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
