I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Come see our sink grown plant.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
