He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
