you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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