She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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