I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
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