Can i not drive my cunt home
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
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Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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