If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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