Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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