I hate your face
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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