***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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