Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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