What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
