and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
