dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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