planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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