I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
