we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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