i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
