I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
