Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
