im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
