my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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