I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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