she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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