when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
