Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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