I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
