I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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