literally had 100 drinks last night.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
