I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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