that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
