So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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