Don't EVER smell your tampon
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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