youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
