After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
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She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
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Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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