get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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