Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
