yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
